STARDOLL

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Skimming The Surface

So my start to being an adult has started off with almost no momentum. Life is boring. I have spent my days either working in the Cafe at McDonald's, finishing entire books in just a day and watching YouTube video after YouTube video. I usually spend the time in the gaps eating. A bag of lollies here, a packet of chips there, maybe 5 or 6 spoonfuls of Nutella straight from the jar. I have been on holidays for close to a month, and have only interacted with friends once and have perhaps formed a very human friendship with my cat. 

You heard most of this I guess in my first blog, but I'm going to go a little beyond that. To my feelings. 

It's not easy to put into words, mostly because I don't even understand how I am feeling myself. Bear with me when I try to explain it. It's the feeling of hopelessness, like I know I will never be good enough or important enough, I'll never earn enough money, I will never make something out of myself. It's the feeling of continuous rage, that the smallest things can set me off and reduce me to tears. It's the feeling of hollowness and absolute loneliness. It's the feeling of never wanting to wake up again. 

I've always preferred to be alone. Because I can only depend on myself. I feel safe, in my small, cozy room. 

But I don't know if I am safe from myself.

The Beginning

'"In the beginning there was... a seventeen year old highschool graduate who suddenly realised she had more than enough time on her hands. She first indulged the freedom away from school by lazing around and eating more than the recommended intake and watching multiple seasons of mainstream television shows before deciding to do something a tad more  productive with her time. Like start a blog that noone but maybe some middle aged man in Europe would read. But hey, at least she's attempting more than she had in weeks."

Yes, I'm talking about myself. Yes, I'm trying to sound more intelligent than I am.

 I hail from the beautiful state of Queensland in Australia and I hate my town. My interests include sleeping, TV series, reading and eating. Aren't I just fascinating? My dislikes include exercise, maths and my teeth. My guilty pleasure is watching hours of Janoskians videos on end, drooling over Luke whilst hanging with my cat.

It probably sounds sad that my cat is my best friend. But we all know that once school has ended, you find yourself going from surrounded by friends to perhaps speaking to the one or two closer of the bunch on facebook. I guess I dont mind much though, because I like being alone. I love just spending time in my room with my thoughts, which I admit can sometimes be kinda dangerous.

But this blog, is a way to meet new people, to be able to express myself and perhaps open up to you guys by writing about my day, things I like or any random topic I feel like discussing.

Until next post,

-Diaryst